'Ello Mandy Cohen. You're not married, and you have
a son named Brian. For years you told him that
his father was Mr. Cohen, but he wasn't. He was
Naughtius Maximus. You shouldn't have listened
to his empty promises.


Monty Python's Life of Brian- Which random character are you? (now with all pics)
brought to you by Quizilla

I was in Ethics this morning, and for some reason I thought it would be really funny if I screamed "EDGAR ALLEN POE!", and then "just kidding, continue..."

The only thing I like about my private jesuit college, is that I can leave my CD player and phone in the lab while I take a shit, and no one will steal it...

Whenever I listen to a terrible song on my Walkman, I have to wonder if somehow by accident, the speakers reverted to the outside as well, and i'm listening to "I just died in your arms tonight" at an appauling volume....

So much catching up to do...

I am officially down to *two* classes this semester, the lowest drop since I decided not to go to highschool for three months my sophomore year. I have absolutely no interest in continuing my college education, and at the same time, everytime I stretch that green apron across my chest at my minumum wage paying job, the deciding factor over whether or not to commit suicide with the Chai pump is the fact that "I won't have to do this for much longer".

I don't know of anyone that became successful without a college degree. It's the single parent syndrome, seeing your mom/dad come home crying after an 18 hour job because they don't want their kids to do the same thing. I saw the direct effects of making a few bad decisions that fucked up my mother's life, I've heard my mother tell me every single fucking day of my life that if I don't go to college, I will end up the exact same way: three kids, no dick, no money and a shitty car that puts it all into perspective for everyone else on the highway with their high end SUVs and diet pills.

Last month, I had a nervous breakdown on my way to catch the bus for school, after hearing that my college bill was double what I had expected. I thought I was having an asthma attack, ended up at my grandmother's house, where she called for an an ambulance/emergency room trip that cost me over a thousand dollars. They gave me a Zanax, examined me in the middle of the emergency room, and then the guy who helped me up off the corner in the first place stole my wallet and charged 400 bucks onto my credit card and took another 400 out of my bank account. Someone bought air force ones compliments of my own personal anguish.

I feel a Mastercard commerical parody coming on...

Ive had a bad fucking semester, I really need this vacation to start doing the only thing i've had a passion for, because I *know* my common vernacular will not include "biscotti" for much longer...

This is a day that is usually meant to share with your stoner friends. The illegal bond we share, the....

happy 4/20

This is my new blogchalk:
United States, New York, Buffalo, West Side, English, Bella, Beth, "big mama", Female, 16-20, SMOKING TREE, Masturbating. :)

Birdman and I are sitting here, in our post-smoke stupor, customizing beetle convertible's. I'm down to smoking every *two days* now, and after a short discussion earlier today, Birdman might join me in my sobering mission.

I really need to have sex...

that is all...

So, i'm back down to smoking every other day, which might seem comical to anyone who's never had a problem with addiction, albeit drug, sugar or just pure obsessiveness. I was up to smoking 4 or 5 times a day, maybe i'll end up doing it again, but I really doubt that. I shouldn't doubt anything, anymore. This is one of the reasons I'll continue the phasing-out of marijuana usage on a regular basis. I will *never* stop smoking on the recreational level, as I know now that the drug might not be harmless, but it sure as hell isn't as addictive as heroin.

I don't think a lot of people read this, so I think i'll share the experience I had last week that drove me to the conclusion that excess is never good, in any sense.

i actually don't have time to share it at this point, but my fat ass has an uploaded picture, a *really* fucking big uploaded picture that birdman and I couldn't figure out how to get any smaller because we're stoners...

more to come...

BOOYA!

thank you!

"Some say the blacker the berry, the sweeter the juice
I say the darker the flesh then the deeper the roots
I give a holler to my sisters on welfare
Tupac cares and don't nobody else care
I know they like to beat ya down a lot
When you come around the block brothas clown a lot
But please don't cry, dry your eyes, never let up
Forgive but don't forget keep your head up
And when he tells you you ain't nothin don't believe him
And if he can't learn to love you you should leave him
Cuz sista you don't need him
And I ain't tryin to gash up, I just call em how I see em
You know it makes me unhappy
When brothas make babies and leave a young mother to be a pappy
And since we all came from a woman
Got our name from a woman and our game from a woman
I wonder why we take from our women
Why we rape our women, do we hate our women?
I think it's time to kill for our women
Time to heal our women, be real to our women
And if we don't then we'll have a race of babies
That hate the ladies that make the babies
And since a man can't make one
HE HAS NO RIGHT TO TELL A WOMEN WHEN AND WHERE TO CREATE ONE
So would the real men get up
I know your fed up ladies, but keep your head up"


i fucking love tupac...


so, this is how it's going to have to be until I get this fixed, one post at a time...

what the fuck is up with my blog?

And the stoners, I love all of you, even if you drink my orange juice like it's crack...

And, Birdman, I was wrong when I said we haven't been through anything...

We've actually been through a *lot*, and I'd like you to be a permanant fixture in my life, regardless of what happens...

love ya,

that is all, back to the grind...

First of all, Birdman has a new blog! Go check out the new link to your left...

I'm really sick of the way I've been treating myself. From now on, I'm going to strive for *exactly* what I want. I'm not going to wait around for anyone that is going to fuck me over, i'm not going to sit around and let someone ruin something that I've spent months working on, and I refuse to have my potential career haulted by someone's selfishness. We *will* be going through with our plan, regardless of who decides to drop out. I'm going to start counting on a modified sort of fate, as in, i'm not going to worry about the future anymore.

Last semester I was having a particularly rough day, and then I crossed the street and nearly got hit by a car. This girl who sat in front of me in Bio was always a sort of acquaintance, we talked about shoes once...she literally saved my life, pulled me by my coat out of the street, and if she wasn't there, i would have been hit by a bus, and probably would have died...

I saw her this morning for the first time since i dropped the class...she complimented me on my new jet black hair...

not to sound too Holden Caufield, but...I love when that sort of damn shit happens, people saving my life and all...

*******CALLING ALL WHO ARE UNHAPPY WITH THEIR CURRENT BULLSHITTY LIVES*******

READ BELOW FOR MORE INFORMATION!

"WHAT??...Are you kidding me?!!...well, what did Clarissa say?...that's insane!!"--the blonde, large breasted girl next to me who's talking loudly in the middle of the lab while i'm trying to write my Ethics paper

The movie premises are set up, and I am more than pleased to announce this. The stoners are getting VERY serious about our writing careers, and I would have underlined very, if I knew how to.

I'm sure most of you know me as a teen-aged internet punk with more balls than Dionne Warwick with a joint case in her purse at London Customs, but I honestly believe that we have the determination to make something of ourselves. This blog was always just a test run for the movie, so some of the stuff you might have read on here will be used, some of the experiences i've encountered online will definitely be referred to as ficticious characters at some point in my career, for legal purposes, and if the Stoners have 100 skits by the end of this summer, we will all be dropping out of our respected schools to work full time on our comedic futures.

We, however, can not do this on our own. Money is going to be an issue, as i'm sure it always will be. If there are any super rich stoners, liberal politicians, or horney rich old men out there that read this, and would like to contribute to the world's first stoner comedy troupe, we will set up a paypal account on our webpage that the lovely Cristina made for us a year ago, that we still haven't exactly paid her for, just yet. She is under our wing, as well as some other folks i've picked up along the way (Katio has been sitting patiently on her bed, duffel bag in hand and bus ticket to Vancouver for six months now, where we are anticipating the first movie will be shot).

But this is only the tip of the roach, my friends:

******** This is a calling for anyone who has any sort of love for comedy or marijuana (or both), this is a cry for volunteering (we can't pay you, just yet, to test loyalty, and because I saw a special on Ludacris's entourage that inspired this philosophy) for any comedienne/comedian who has been told they're too fat/short/stupid/lispy/drunk/horney/sick to be part of something that might just change the world. I know sooo many out of work comedians that need jobs, I know so many kids that are unhappy with college, or perhaps even dropped out by now, because college sucks, college people suck, and talent will *never* be measured by a "grade point average".***************************

The troupe is based out of Buffalo, NY, where we will be holding informal meetings for anyone who is interested, but for all of you who have no intention of ever coming near the WNY area, we need promotional people EVERYWHERE, so please don't be discouraged to apply...

We will be setting up a basic core unit of volunteers, and much like a political campaign, or a male for male nightclub, you have to get in early to get a good seat. I know I have readers that are capable of stuffing envelopes...what we're looking for is a LOYAL group of supporters that are willing to make, wear and distribute t-shirts, posters, flyers, as well as a promotional photographer, personal assistants, munchies/starbucks bitch runner (this is an actual occupation in the land of Stoner), musicians, nightclub owners/anyone who has a connection with some sort of venue, and any other sort of hollywood hoopla you can think of that makes up an independant movie/touring comedic troupe staff. Most importantly, we need enough people to kick up enough dust for people to start noticing us.

We do not want an easy "in" to the business, we want to infiltrate the audience through some extremely original promotional ventures. We will be the people's comedians, and we will love people...and chocolate...and people...

You want to do something signifigant with your life for the next year or so?...email me, and keep in mind that I have, and never will hold any grudges...the past is, as it always will be, exactly what it is...

We'll be placing ads in some alternative newspapers in and around Buffalo, but I thought if I can snag a few old acquaintances from here (that being the internet), we'd have less searching to do. Patience, however, will be the key here. We won't be getting this completely off the ground for another couple of months, but knowing that we have supporters from day one is going to be crucial in creating "that" vibe that makes extraordinary people super fucking rich...

Marleyganja420@aol.com, or leave your email address in the commenter...this is no joke friends, this is a real chance to change your life, if you have the patience and desire to trudge along with us...

somewhere in the distance, Ryonce is planting a tree, and Baby Bison is accidentally knocking it over...

So, in other news, I agreed to purchase something from Ebay, and then promptly and accidentally deleted the cofirmation email, so i don't know how to send the money. I've already bailed out of one Ebay purchase earlier this year, so I don't want to be an Ebay punk, on top of my other distinguished titles such as "blog war expert", "estranged kids in the hall groupie", "shits in cars" and "chicken ramen noodle theif/addict".

Does anyone know what I should do?...i know some of you read this incessantly to see if i'm making fun of you, I *know* you know what to do in this situation, so if you want to leave an anonymous tip in my commenter, i can't think any less of you than I already do...

Basically, if you don't respond i'm going to retaliate...just kidding...no i'm not...

I just realized how loudly i've been listening to K's Choice in the library...

you can take the smoke out of the stoner, but you can't take the stoner...out of....that doesn't work, now does it...

So, after much deliberation last night, Birdman and I agreed that a three week fast, going Cold Turkey, as it were (i apologize, still can't seem to get that Bruce McCulloch lisp out of my writing), is only for rock stars and "crank" addicts (whatever the fuck crank is). And so, to appease the other stoners, we have decided on a modified fast, where we will drastically alter the intake of marijuana, on a rolling basis, like Harvard (not Ryonce's old house, but the distinguished university). The end product is still the same, concentrating on the writing, pooling our minimum wage jobs to produce short films for promotional purposes, and eventually have a threesome with Steven Wright and Eric Idle.

We the stoners, in order to form a more purist union...will go down to smoking once a day for three days, followed by smoking every other day, every other other day (or every two days, if you're not Baby Bison), then a three day fast (in memory of Ryonce, who's response to the three week fast was "i could do two days", said as serious as the Constitution, which is quite serious) until the 20th of April, 4/20, the most ritualistic smoking day of the year.

I don't usually use my stoner names on here, because they are a sacred thing, and will eventually make me a lot of money, but it is important for non confusion purposes to state that when I refer to "Baby Bison", "Jeff", or "Skater Jeff", i am in fact referring to myself.

Let the stoner modified fast begin!

"True dat, why you do that/ I try to be a good dad/ but you be makin me laugh"- Will Smith

publishing is temporarily unavailable, but i'm going to post anyway...

I'm not really sure what to say about smoking anymore. I've watched myself slowly lose touch with certain things, and at the same time, the friends that I know i'll always have, and the experiences that i'm sure none of you will ever experience used to balance out.

And so the three week fast begins today, and then after that, we will smoke only when we write, which gives us further incentive to blow the fuck out of anyone who's ever questioned me as a comedic goddess...

This whole idea of being sober is almost exciting, as i've been smoking everyday for a good two years now. I have no idea what my potential is, as an adult, and that scares me in ways that a non-stoner may never really get. I used to think that by saying I do smoke a lot, I would be admitting fault, to the rest of the world anyway, because smoking is bad there, it's illegal and i'm sure you have an uncle that smokes a lot, and he has a construction job and a fat wife and unloving children. Please don't get me wrong stoners, I still take the same stand on marijuana that i always have: if you don't smoke it, you have nothing to say. But lately it's become an excuse for certain things, I don't do as well in school as i'm sure I would if most of my time wasn't spent hanging out at the foot of ferry with Birdman, or eating deep fryer foods at Ryonce's, or going to Amvets with Flippin Wench, getting lost on the Thruway with Angelator.

Or I could be completely wrong about the entire thing...maybe i'd be rebelling sober at this point in my life because i've never fit into a structured setting, and i'm sure as fuck not going to pay 20 grand to have someone mold me into the dot that fits into the hole that makes the streets run smoother and the computers go faster and the children more literate and the grocery stores full. Maybe i'm not cut out for anything traditional, and it's not the weed. This is what the stoner fast is all about.


I am not giving up the stems, i'm just saving them to boil for another sunny day.

DAY ONE, ironically falling on April fools, but all kidding aside, druggies, this stoner is on vacation in a not so wooded area...

daily updates to come...