The Stoner Chronicles

November 20, 2005


Well, kind of smoked 4 times this week. But, it's still better than 7 times a day! Next week I really wanted to smoke when I get home with my big plate of seconds from my grandma, but now i'm not sure if that's such a good idea. I'm not sure if smoking as much as I did this week was a great idea. I think i've developed a strong anti-weed voice inside, and usually I make fun of people like that. Now that i'm a White Stripes fan FIRST, I don't really care about that shit. Have I "relapsed", as they say in the "Intervention" televison world? I doubt our movie is going to be ready in full for our film class, but it should be done by the end of January for The Alternate Historians webpage, that we still haven't hired anyone to do. If ANYONE that reads this site would like to make a webpage for us, you can email me at We will pay you well, if you're a genius (just like us! haha...sigh).

This has really been the best year of my life. I think i'm finally happy! I've lost 60 pounds (when i tried to type out pounds a second ago, i had my fingers on the wrong keys and instead it said "lobs"), I've been writing like CRAZY, sometimes all night long, I realized that my childhood obsession with comedy wasn't just a coincidence, and most importantly I've been smoking less and less as the months go by. Granted, I'm only half way there. I still have more weight to lose, I still have to learn how to break dance, and be funny on a professional scale. I still have to finish college, I still have to quit smoking cigarettes, and find a temporary job so I can move to Los Angeles in 6 months. I can't believe I'm moving to Gomora (how do you spell Gomora?). I might have a car soon, and I even remembered to pick up my birth control from Planned Parenthood *before* I had my period so they can dig around in there and make sure I don't have Cancer before I get my free prescription. For birth control guys, I DONT HAVE HERPES!

November 14, 2005


Still sober guys! Our film crew ditched us last week, but it doesn't much matter. We now have the help of a good friend that I have deemed the "Assistant Director" because she is very good with the camera when i'm down on the ground talking to old computers, and she pulled us out of a pretty sticky bind when the two piece of shit kids from our film class decided to part ways with us. Fuck you, Jake and Aaron. And thank you, July, my first wife. I'm a girl.

I've been developing my character on a newsgroup that I won't mention, because I want everyone to just go ahead and see the movie first. I pretty much have the guys that run the place convinced that I'm a total fucking moron, which was a lot easier than I thought it was going to be, sadly. My character is a hopeless internet newsgrouper junkie that gets ousted from her message board community. Again, I won't get too into the storyline, because I'm all about the virgin screening, but I will say that I've been practicing for this role my whole life. I've been a loser my whole life. It should be great.

Over the Thanksgiving break, we'll be filming in Erie, PA, as well as Rochester NY and Toronto, Ontario. I'm actually looking forward to the Toronto shots, because I'd like to check out the "Hideaway Jungle Cannabis Cafe". I'll be breaking my no-smoke record just for the day. It would actually really suck if the next time I posted it was December, and I've taken a downward spiral from the Cannabis Cafe experience, but smoking marijuana without fear of legal penalty for the first time in my life might just be worth it. We'll see.

While we're filming this movie, i'm also working on writing another script that involves this same loser, only she is the protagonist of the piece. I've always wanted to write the tragedy of a comedy newsgrouper, but then again i've kind of always been high so that never happened. I really have to find someone who has script formatting software they wouldn't mind me stealing for the sake of comedy. If you read the site, and you've got what I need, then my friend, I may just have what you need (a blow job). I'm gonna go have some decaf coffee and work on the list of shots for our next location tomorrow. See you soon, stoners!

November 02, 2005

One thing you can't hide...

Guess what? I'm still sober! I'm already proud of this movie, and we haven't even finished writing it yet. Yes, we'll be using camcorders and a shitty digital camera who's batteries seem to die every 20 pictures, but it's going to work. It's going to save me, I know it. We were supposed to begin doing action shots last week, but I feel like the script is not completely developed. I know that a bad script=an even more terrible movie, so we're bunkering down for the final week of revisions before we cram about 6 weeks of filming into 14 days. We also only gave ourselves about 3 weeks to edit the entire movie before it's due for our film class. I'm more worried about premiering it on the webpage in January, where it will be well seen by our comedy peers. I figure, if it sucks, I could always just kill myself.

Angelator is here to get me from community college. I'll talk to you soon, Stoner Chronicles.

October 24, 2005

Here I am!

I'm sober now. The White Stripes are my new addiction. I still love all 5 of you that read this. Filming for my comedy troupe's movie "The Alternate Historians" begins on Wednesday. I'll try my best to keep everyone updated on how that is going. I'm not going to preach, but I feel wonderful and alive for the first time in my life. And I love everyone, and Oreo's, and after the movie is done I think i'm going to experiment with heroin. What can I say, Naked Lunch is a great book, and eating lunch naked is pretty funny too. Who am I kidding, my mom is never going to let me do heroin.

The Truth Doesn't Make a Noise, stoners. Wish me luck.

August 28, 2005

Going Back to Community College...

I hate not knowing what the fuck i'm supposed to do with my life. I'm entering my second year of community college tomorrow, and I'd have to say that this semester is probably the most pointless schedule I've ever mustered to scum up while I was high. My classes might be a little more impressive if I was say, at a real college, but now I'm just getting silly. I picked courses just because they sound funny. Like, I'm taking Bowling. Isn't that fantastic? Bowling class at community college. I'm also taking a Beginning Filmmaking class, Creative Writing, Beginning Piano, Weight Training, and the Fundamentals of Music. It's everything I kind of have to know before I move "Out West".

I'm beginning to accept that there is no turning back, at this point. I'll be a loser for the rest of my life if I don't leave in May. I've started a collection of "los angeles" t-shirts. Not vintage t-shirts to impress people or anything, but actual t-shirts that say Los Angeles! I have a Los Angeles Police Department t-shirt, I have an ugly brown exercise shirt with a hot bitch on it running with "los angeles" written on it 5 times. Classic. It's from Old Navy. So I guess I only have two t-shirts. But i'm working on it. Nothing says rockstar like wearing a t-shirt that says "los angeles". And that's how why I'm going to make it, and others aren't.

August 08, 2005

What's going on here?

Well, I just checked my site meter, and it looks like someone from Scottsdale, Arizona has been skeemin on my page like a motherfucker. Hello, resident of Scottsdale Arizona, how are you doing? The average amount of time that you were on my page was about 4 or 5 minutes, that's a long time to be lurking without saying hello!

I'm still alive, folks.

July 17, 2005

this is an audio post - click to play

this is an audio post - click to play