Joey,

I love the hell out of you...

You taught me how to smoke, you taught me how to finger myself, and most importantly, you taught me how to get my heart broken, and I love you more than anyone in this world, and you're better than what people have told you...

i wish you were here right now, so I could try and stick my finger up your ass...

You know, Beth used to hate her boobs, because her sisters have big ass nice boobs, and she doesn't...

But now that she thinks about it, every guy she's ever gone out with (which is millions, she's begun catalouging them as numbers) has complimented her on her boobs, and Birdman said she has nice boobs too, so...

her body parts that come in pairs are doing quite well on the "sex-o-meter"

I bet she woudda been gettin losta pussay on the ark...

When I told Birdman about my idea for the hottest guy in school, he said:

"you really need to lose some weight"

...

Whenever exam time comes around, I always want to walk over to an extremely smart kid, and try to "help" them with their work("History....FASCINATING!"), almost as much as I want to stride up to the hottest guy at school and start holding his hand...

I really wish Beth was just that funny, sometimes...

One exam down, one to go...

I have a leaky cap on my fucking drink, and everytime i go to sip it the boobies get the sprinkle...

i bought a 4 dollar cheeseburger and a 2 dollar brownie from the snack bar downstairs, and now i feel as if i paid more for the wrapper so i'm going to carry it with me all day...

this morning, i woke up and found a stuffed horse head on a stick and remains of a crunchy shrimp sushi dish on my couch...i have trouble with what they call "controlling the finances"...


I'm going to refer to myself in the third person form for the rest of the day...I mean, Beth is going to...fuck it...

On Monday, we shall embark on our first official "Angelator, Baby bison, Birdman" stoner field trip/road trip to Vermont, the stoner capital of the Northern Coast, on the one year anniversary of our Kids in the Hall/Stoner Coast-to-Coast trip to Seattle...

How about my plant teacher isn't gay, but instead a biologist?

go fucking figure...

can you tell we ran out of the good smoke?...this is what happens kids, when honey blunts and puerto ricans are involved in a Sunday evening...

I'm turning in a paper a week late, because I hate philosophy and it scares me...

and how long did it take me to type, print and finish the paper?

45 MINUTES...

i wish it was socially acceptable for me to wear a t-shirt for the rest of the day that says "fuck me, i'm retarded"...

Should be writing my week old Ethics paper, but that would be rational, and I don't believe in any such nonsense...

We went to this super buffet last night for my grandmother's birthday(yes, a buffet, as a birthday present, no, we don't own a Camaro) at the new Casino in Buffalo that it took about 15 years to come to fruition. On the way there, my sister was telling us that she saw a five year old wearing sweat pants that said "holla" across the ass, and my grandmother goes, as serious as chicken soup, "holla, is that jewish?"

My grandma is one of the funniest people i've ever met, she's trained in the boys club fashion, and she's says "gee whiz" and "shorty" a lot, but i'm lying, she doesn't say "shorty" a lot...

This one time we were sitting around the table having dinner, which means I was probably under ten if we were eating at a table, and my grandmother, right after a signifigant stroke of silence goes "you know those homosexuals use their fists". I can remember exactly what I was eating too, liver, mashed potatoes with fucking liver au juis, and broccoli, because my grandmother always had something secretely against me after that time at the movies when I was like, 7, and I didn't want to see this crap ass kid film that my mom wanted to take us to see, so I sat directly in the middle of the theatre and fucking flipped out until my mom had to eventually physically abuse me in public and take me home...

yes, so, you were right grandma, I did grow out of hating horseradish, and every shirt you've advised me against wearing was, in fact, trashy. and unattractive, and you have one hand and you've made biscuits every night for your family since 1948, and you're too afraid of "the net" to get to hear me say that you are the fucking coolest person I will ever have the privilidge of being raised by...