The Stoner Chronicles: 11/01/2004

do I have to name every post, or?

Why would anyone go on vacation by themselves? I mean, I'm not asking why, we all know why, but we also always know someone that's done it before, so you're afraid to talk shit about them like that. These sad ass people that go somewhere wonderful all by themselves. What the fuck were they thinking? Did they go to Triple A by themselves? Or when you go somewhere alone I guess you just have to book things separately. I wonder if there's a business opportunity here. Why doesn't my return button work on blogger? And why don't they just stay at home, or only go to restricted areas of the cruise or airplane? Why the fuck do they always have to sit next to me? There's a perfectly nice looking old white woman next to me, and no one's bothering her. And then sometimes they look at you like you're the crazy one. I guess maybe they've got it, i've been wrong before. The one thing you have to give them though is, they are really good with money.

And I don't know if I should talk about this or not, but it's really been bugging me. Why haven't I seen a retard dressed to the nines since the Prom? Now, I don't want to get into trouble with the National Retard Center or whatever, once I got in trouble for saying the word "retard" in front of the "special needs" teacher, and she still won't look me in the eye. I would never call a retard a "retard" to their faces. And isn't that what it's all about? The stigma of the little anorexic whore, crooking her frigid little acrylic nail towards the meek multicolored sweater wearing "re-tard". Once I saved a retard from being made fun of in high school by these two really trashy girls. But I just think it would be in their best interest to hire an aid that really knew what they were doing. I think it would really make people look at the problem if they didn't dress like Fresh Prince extras, you know? I'm not gonna sugar coat their inaccuracies like the bullshit redeye performance driven members that have apparently clogged the normal hole. I didn't let that retarded girl down in gym, and I'm not going to let her drown now. It's like, i'm already embarassed, but dammit. Somebody has to say this shit.

I love George Carlin

I've recently purchased "When Will Jesus Bring the Porkchops?", and this is the second book of the month I have not been able to put down. I think, if there was any one comedian, or even one man in general that shaped me in a positive way, it would be George Carlin.

I can specifically remember laying on the couch watching one of his stand up performances, and he started going on about religion. It may be hard for some people growing up without faith to believe, but I didn't know that there were other relgions, let alone people that actually didn't believe in God! I felt this hard knot in my stomach, and at about 10 years old, I realized I had been majorly jipped. Why didn't I see this before? Why didn't it make sense, better yet, why did it make sense that there's this omnipresent being in the sky that watches all, stops nothing, and demands everything?

So, then he goes "If there's a God, strike me down now!", screaming up towards the top of the stage lights. And I covered my eyes, and my nerves were tingling all over my body. I thought to myself "Yea, God, why don't you kill him?", for a second I was so angry that I couldn't wait for God to kill him. And the crowd ate it up, I think the biz would say he "killed" in that performance.

I don't want to be the person that mocks faith. Growing up poor, you know better than to fuck with the solitary hope that there is something better than the shit hole you treasure beyond words. It's the same reason I don't make fun of the lottery, it is not just a game. I usually have a real problem with liberals and their science. Science should be taught like history, "in 2003 researchers believed that bullshit bullshit bullshit was the cause of bullshit bullshit, but by 2005 this will all mean bullshit." See it's not what is said, but more of what is there to fall back on: The unstoppable American quest of who is right and who is wrong, it's going to fucking kill us all one day. And in that sense, Science and Religion are exactly the same thing. But, to get back on topic, maybe one day I can meet George Carlin, and thank him for being the very first person to inform me that entire world was not Catholic.

Father and Son, aww, but Birdman refuses to get a matching jacket...
posted from the stoner photo gallery

well at least if Bush drafts my dog he'll already have a bomber jacket. Let's show some love for Mr. Squeekers, I had to take about 40 pictures of him to not look as evil as he usually does.
posted from the stoner photo gallery

okay, maybe I spoke too soon about the favorite, these are all courtesy of the "President Bush is an Asshole" group on Myspace.
posted from the stoner photo gallery

This one is my personal favorite, they have one of him morphing into Hitler, but for some reason it won't let me upload it...
posted from the stoner photo gallery