Did I ever tell you about how I got kicked out of college? Contrary to popular belief, it was not from our favorite plant, but instead from our favorite fem nazi, ironically the head of the department that was single handedly keeping me interested in college to begin with. She was one tough cookie, like one of those baby cookies, do you remember baby cookies that babies could suck on for hours? Yea, and if you weren't in class on time, or if you had sun chips that crunched too hard, or if you had a penis, or if your notes weren't up to date, she probably didn't like you. But, see, I made sure I chewed gum, the only problem with me apparently is that my fat ass couldn't make it from one hall to the other in the ten minutes between my second class (that always runs over) to hers in a time that met her approval. So everday it was like this, she'd stop the lecture when I got into class, mouth agape and fighting for air I would struggle to my seat, always a different chair, and almost always in the dead center of the room, tripping over north face bookbags and my own walkman that for some funny reason i would forget to turn off once i finally accustomed myself to the lecture, that she would continue once I made my entrance....

part 2 later on, i smell food