some stoner thoughts for the day:

a. if anyone ever fucking asked me to "dog-sit', i would accept the offer. Then I would drink all of their alcohol, then i would smoke all of their weed, and then i would unintentionally eat all of their dog jerky...

b. even when i'm not stoned, whenever i have 10 bucks in my hand i'm like shit i could buy 40 little debbies right now...i'm lying, i don't have ten bucks...i've never had 10 bucks..well this one time my dad didn't call for five years and then he sent all three of us 100 bucks *each* because he fell off an escalator...but that was a long time ago...

c. if you regularly tip your favorite tim hortons cashier...you're a fucking stoner...

d. if you have a favorite tim hortons cashier...yea

e. if you think that you have to get a second job to buy everything other than weed...you have a serious drug problem...

f. if you steal jokes from blind date...you should probably stop breathing now..

g.`last night, we broke the news to angela that Kag is moving to California next year, (this is a local reference, email me if you really want to know the significance of it)...and she replied with "you mean we have to move to California?"

h. if you're making a list of stoner thoughts, try to use numerical organizational methods...there's a million numbers to guess from, but only 26 letters...

i. this one day, i got stoned, and started seriously thinking about how cool it would be if tree's could fight each other, with swords, and then i was like...wait a second... TREES DONT HAVE HANDS!

8. the next time you have an ice cube in your mouth...try to convince yourself that you're chewing on glass...it's highly amusing

9. if a guy tries to convince you that he's never had a blow job...bite off the tip of his dick, and when he looks at you funny say "oh...how would you know?"

10. if you're eating coco pebbles with half & half in a slim fast shake maker with a spork...you probably just got dumped...

and now...some stoner quotes

1. "take somethin off, or put somethin on...but do somethin quick!"
2. "if you have a busted Benz...it's your own fuckin fault"
3. " i wonder if that's what chris rock meant when he said a "crusty bitch"
4. "you guys wanna play road hog?"
5. "amvets employee: have a nice night
reno: i will now that i have a wheelchair..."
h. "if i start talking about star wars for more than five minutes...i'll regain my virginity..."--bella, to scott
reno: i will now that i have a wheelchair..."