Why does the close door sound on aol sound like a fucking gun shot, the volume on the computer is on so loud, that I just dumped my cheerios all over my shirt when someone signed off.

It's been well over a month since I stopped going to work, and I have absolutely no motivation whatsoever to find myself a new job. I have a serious case of the flu, but am still...wait a second, why do white people have to go on vacation every chance they get? Why don't they just buy mansions, and be on vacation all year? Why spend 20, 30, 40 years in middle america with nothing but cheap socks to show for it? This, as my grandmother would say, is how the rich get richer.

There are approximately 5 things rotting in Birdman's room right now. We haven't had sex in 2 weeks, but it doesn't feel like it. Does anyone know how to cure a cold sore with homemade remedies?

Lately I have been thinking about becoming a construction worker. I don't know how long it would take me to walk a mile, and i'm not willing to find out unless I got one of those things that count how much you walk, because then it would be more of like a science experiment than exercise, and science is fun.

How did I get to be so fat, by the way? It doesn't really bother me, i'm not sitting in the middle of a room full of mirrors with a blindfold on killing chickens or anything, I just don't know why I have to stop eating. I like eating.

This head cold is really getting to me, I hope it's nothing serious, unless I had insurance, in which case, as John Kerry would say,

bring it...