i'm still alive...the Kids were fucking a baby...every wet dream came true for me on Thursday...

i gave a detailed review on the NG..but because i'm special like that, i'll share it with you again...

because this is my own journal, i have to talk about the drama before the drama...

it was 6, the show started at 7, so everyone got in the car while i ran downstairs to grab the tickets...

(now, if you're not a kith fan, this tale won't be as horrifying as it would be, if say, you breathe kevin, dave, mark, scott and...sigh...bruce...sigh)

THE TICKETS WERE MOTHER FUCKING GONE!!!!

rewind to just hours before, when i had checked to make sure they were in the special spot (:::note: stoners facilitate the term 'special spot' in reference to a specific place they've put everything special since they started smoking, as to prevent lost materials, and hence, moments like these:::)
somewhere in between 4 and 6, the tickets hath disappearath from the earth...

this means i had to call the wrath that is ticketbitch, and beg for their mercy...the dialouge went something like this

Bella: hi, i'm going to see the kids in the hall tonight, and my tickets are missing, is there ANYTHING you can do?
Ticketbitch: well, do you have your printed confirmation page?
Bella(looking down at feet): well...no
Ticketbitch: well, do you have the confirmation number
Bella(rather disturbed, yet firmly): NO
Ticketbitch: well, do you have anything to prove that you purchased the tickets??
Bella(nearly in tears...okay in tears): well i know EXACTLY where my tickets are, and i have the credit card i bought them with...
Ticketbitch: yes(long, somewhat hopeful pause)...yes there's really nothing we can do...you can bring your credit card, go online and get your confirmation number, and bring you photo ID, and maybe we can help you...
Bella: fine, bye....
Ticketbitch: yup...

problem number 2...bella has not a legitimate job, and therefore begged her mother for use of her gold card to purchase the tickets...and bella's mother does not want to go downtown to get the tickets for her...

as i collapse in a pool of despair on the kithcen floor...my sister took pity, and use of her name being exactly the same as my mum's, by going downtown and dealing with the Ticketbitch representative at Shea's...

Scott was looking out for us this fine night, i thought in my head, as we arrived ten minutes late, to find that the show was having technical difficulties, and wouldn't start for until 8...

we(annie, july, flippin wench, and me) had time to smoke behind the theatre, and buy a Simon and Hecubus T-shirt and the new Bruce album...

i was stoned, ticket in hand, in line for the greatest moment of my young life...

our seats were AB-fucking-FAB, may i say...we sat right behind sara, and right next to the other serra...in ROW TWO!

and now a list of shit they did...

1. first, a video reel of "what they were doing...when they got the call"...which includes a lovely rendition of the theme song by Craig Northey on flute...
kevin's a dog walker ("i love dogs and i love writing..one day i'll write a story about dogs and humor...")
bruce is on Blind Date(looking quite slimy)
scott's a duck for aflak commercials("come on! this is the only straight gig i've been up for, since..."and "no i don't wanna do Will and Grace")
mark's a toilet cleaner(this has to be one of my favorite scenes, simply because mark is offered to toke out of a magic two hitter)
dave swims....(you have to see it to believe it)

2. next, the first live performance of the evening, a very colorful rendition of my all time favorite sketch... Dr. Seuss Bible...(scott is jesus, and trips on the stool he's supposed to stand on...everyone laughs hard)

3. the Rusty sketch, from the HBO pilot in '88 where bruce tries to seduce very old women(you'll have to excuse me for my loss of memory, for i just *met* the kids in the hall)...he feels up scott, and the both of them crack up most of the time

4. Cathy&Kathy reunion(lost in Cathy's apartment...scott breaks out vibrator, and mark falls out of the closet, he's supposed to be a pizza man that also got lost in the apartment, and when scott asks bruce "what did the pizza man look like?", bruce says "a bit like mark"...)

5. Simon n Hecubus(but of course...kevin molests dave physically on stage...dave's package prominent)

6. Country Doctor(LOTS of bruce adlibbing...he humped a fence, supremely humorous)

7. Money Momentum guys(selling a flag waver and an americanabflex or some such nonsense...both of them had video clips, with children and rubber bands)

8. Citizen Kane!!!!(dave put his finger in kevin's face, and then kev started laughing and whispered'get your finger out my face...", before realizing he was doing a BC quote, and then laughed even harder)

lots of dean video clips...

9. the Chicken Lady: Date...(another one of my favs...dave and mark are simply amazing...this is the only thing barbara found amusing....)

10. new buddy cole(for anyone who saw scott's show in buffalo...it was the exact same monolouge) centered around saddam(suprise)

11. a vice principal's convention(danny husk makes a speech about a school shooting...underlying joke that his wife left him(is it hot in here or is it just me??)

12. THE HEADCRUSHER....(no my head was not crushed, but kevin sat in the audience for this one, and stole...well i'll let serra tell you...) mark had a camera that was hooked up to the large screen behind them...so everyone could see who he was crushin....there was a very very funny moment with a rather large man in the front row (right ahead of us), where he ended up with kev's entire lower body on top of him, and at one point they even made out(i'm *SO* not even joking)...

13. Suprise Party(Nina from Joymakers) (was anyone else at the show nervous about bruce falling off the stage when he mauls dave?)...LOTS of improv...they dance and all that jazz schmazz(this was actually the last scheduled skit of the evening...where instead of nina thinking about tony, our favorite fur traders knocked her out)

14. jacques and francois..the fur traders with their makeshift canoe sang a few tunes for us, and helped with skit to skit transitions...

15. BRUCE SONG
******BRUCE'S NEW ALBUM "DRUNKEN BABY PROJECT" IS RELEASED TONIGHT******
he did a cut off of this CD, entitled "Bob Seger"....him and Craig did a great job....and in perfect Bruce form, he made a few recycled jokes...

16. a compilation of Darril and Gavin, where mark's the guidance counselor and bruce is the student(this had to be one of the highlights of the evening for TRUE kith fans)

17. i don't know how i forgot about this...but our dear friend Mississippi Gary paid us a visit...(mark was delicious)


18. and ending finally with an encore of Running Faggot, where mark looked *directly* at Barbara, perhaps realizing that she was not enjoying herself, and said "this one's for you"....which i thought might have made my night completely...



After the show, Annie and Barbie and i were waiting out by the stage door, when i met the lovely Jillian from Pittsburgh...she travelled all by herself, so i hung out with her a while...

they ended up leaving me for BK, so jill and I chilled outside with the rest of the kithies, as we were told by security guards that the wait would be about two hours...

and hour later....scott stumbles out, looking rather plastered, beer in hand, so he signed some autographs and took pics..i got some of him, but not with him...(one fan asked "scott is bruce coming out..." as to where scott replies "i have *no idea* where bruce is", in his scott voice...)

i thought he was acting a little bitchy, but i'm guessing it was the alcohol talking, and he i think he realized his faults, because he ended up meandering through the audience of about 30, takikng pictures and making small talk..as if he was waiting for bruce to come out too...

Himmelfarb came up about twenty minutes later, and told us we were waiting at the wrong door...we heard screaming down the street, so i ran over to find Mr. Dave Foley, looking quite Foleylicious...one girl screamed "WE FUCKING LOVE YOU DAVE"...as to where Dave says in his perfect dave voice "Well, i love you too..."; i got a shot of him and a fan with tiny "bugs life" boy briefs...he seemed to be having a ball with us..now i'm kind of sad i didn't get a pic with him...

kevin came out next, and i'd have to say he was the most mobbed...i don't even think i got a shot of him...but he did stay and sign a lot of stuff, which is unlike him, or so i've heard...

BRACE YOURSELVES.....

I'M SERIOUS..THIS IS THE MOST IMPORTANT MOMENT OF MY LIFE

ARE YOU READY?

HERE WE GO

i had elbowed my way up to the side of the crowd, nearest to the door...when it opened...i saw him...he was looking...well...like bruce, and it was...well amazing

everyone started flipping out, and he shook his hands up in the air and screamed "BRUCE BRUCE!" right along with us...because he's sexy like that

i thought i wasn't going to get to him, as i had positioned myself in a trap of fans who had shifted in my general direction after getting their own bruce autographs...

i flew out, and waited behind a taller blonde girl that had just taken a pic with him...so i pleaded with her to let me in front, and she said "go on push yourself up there!" and then proceeded to raise my hand, and yelled "bruce, don't forget about her!"

and then...we made eye contact...

moment of silence...

replying to the blonde girl's gesture i said "yea, let's knock him over..." really loud, like a complete moron, and he responded with a perfect bruce smirk...

the dialouge went something like this...

BELLA: hi
BRUCE: hiiii(in a gavinesque way)
(he tried to make eye contact with me while he was signing the CD, i probably had shit all over my face, but i hope he was just trying to be nice, as i was starstruck, in every sense of the word)
BELLA: oh thank you so much
BRUCE: sure
BELLA: can you take a picture with...
BRUCE: sure
(like a small child wearing mommy's heels, i hand him the camera, and he smiles)
BRUCE: dear(handing the camera to the same blonde angel that pushed me up there)
BELLA:(nervously)oh i guess you can't take the picture, can you
BRUCE: (smiling) i'm not *that* good

he held me pretty close, for a hollywood director, and even though the pic came out awful, i still touched heads with him...which makes my life complete...

he gave me a peck on the cheek and that was it...

i pushed another girl up there, in reverence to the girl who had done the same for me...


and he looked so fucking hot that evening too, with a lil scully on, toting a HUGE black backpack...

one girl asked for some of his chest hair that was peeking out of his shirt...i found that amusing...

i could just stop telling the story there...because that's really all that matters...ever...for the rest of my life...but...

mark came out dead last, and i followed that boy all the way to the end of the line, near the entrance of the tour bus (it's giant and orange for all of you who have yet to stalk them)... finally himmelfarb rescued me, and took a pic of me and mark all cuddly and such....

i was officially the last fan to take a pic with the guys in Buffalo...they peeled out like rock stars, and i was left at the curb, waiting for the girls to pick me up for a night of good smokin fun...

i was so exhausted...i didn't smoke

i should say that again...

i was so exhausted...i DIDNT smoke

that's how brilliant the kids in the hall are

and the best part is...on Saturday, i'll be in Hamilton to see the show...again...

i hope to get the hi lynn sign pics that i promised back in the B-LO, but didn't come up with, and the SGND DVD that they weren't selling at the first show

ahh...life is good...

i would have blogged this earlier, but AOL is a crack head baby's mama with no formula...

i'm off to get a blizzard....Scott bless DQ and Steven Spielberg...