I might have to delete the last post, the leaf is going to fuck up my links and such as soon as this post is published.
Next, I've been shitting and puking for a couple of days now, and that would be fine and all if I was doing so in the confines of my own apartment. It is not cool to blow up somebody else's toilet like that, just pooping and stinking up the place like you pay for the water bill, and when I stay at Birdman's house, and he's not there, it seems like I always feel like i'm going to shit my pants at around 8am. Maybe it's because i'm neurotic, and the *very* first thing that comes to mind when I stay over at someone else's house is "but what if I have to shit really bad?", and then as soon as it's in my head, it begins. Do they have enough toilet paper? What if I use too much toilet paper? How much is too much toilet paper? Is there a lock on the bathroom door?
So it's around 8am, and I can hear someone rustling outside of the door, and I'm in the bedroom with these stomach cramps, all on the corner of the bed losing my religion and shit, like, literally, and then I hear the bathroom door open, and someone walk down the stairs. So, last time I used the bathroom before noon I saw the entire side panel of birdman's dad while he was changing into his "weekend gear", and it was graphic and I can't think about too much and I didn't really tell anyone because he started to talk to me thinking I was his wife and I ran back into the bedroom and seriously and honestly thought about putting some paper towels in the bottom of the trash can and piddling right there in the middle of the bedroom.
Luckily, no one was naked and I managed to sneak into the bathroom, to find out that this was one of those long anticipated shits, where it feels like change is going to happen eventually, you just don't know whether to wait it out on the toilet or in bed. Especially if it's too early in the morning, and you're half asleep, and you wonder if you might wake up to the sound of your boyfriend's parents jimmying the lock to find you passed out toe up in a pile of diarrea because it was just too damn early to be irregular.
My mommy had to come and get me, because I am a loser, and she brought me some pretzels and Pepto Bismol, because my mom was in charge of my bowel movements at one point in my life, and, in her mind, is not yet relieved of this duty.
There was this kid in the school's spelling bee that spelled duty "dooty", I guess that was funnier when I was twelve.
Next, I've been shitting and puking for a couple of days now, and that would be fine and all if I was doing so in the confines of my own apartment. It is not cool to blow up somebody else's toilet like that, just pooping and stinking up the place like you pay for the water bill, and when I stay at Birdman's house, and he's not there, it seems like I always feel like i'm going to shit my pants at around 8am. Maybe it's because i'm neurotic, and the *very* first thing that comes to mind when I stay over at someone else's house is "but what if I have to shit really bad?", and then as soon as it's in my head, it begins. Do they have enough toilet paper? What if I use too much toilet paper? How much is too much toilet paper? Is there a lock on the bathroom door?
So it's around 8am, and I can hear someone rustling outside of the door, and I'm in the bedroom with these stomach cramps, all on the corner of the bed losing my religion and shit, like, literally, and then I hear the bathroom door open, and someone walk down the stairs. So, last time I used the bathroom before noon I saw the entire side panel of birdman's dad while he was changing into his "weekend gear", and it was graphic and I can't think about too much and I didn't really tell anyone because he started to talk to me thinking I was his wife and I ran back into the bedroom and seriously and honestly thought about putting some paper towels in the bottom of the trash can and piddling right there in the middle of the bedroom.
Luckily, no one was naked and I managed to sneak into the bathroom, to find out that this was one of those long anticipated shits, where it feels like change is going to happen eventually, you just don't know whether to wait it out on the toilet or in bed. Especially if it's too early in the morning, and you're half asleep, and you wonder if you might wake up to the sound of your boyfriend's parents jimmying the lock to find you passed out toe up in a pile of diarrea because it was just too damn early to be irregular.
My mommy had to come and get me, because I am a loser, and she brought me some pretzels and Pepto Bismol, because my mom was in charge of my bowel movements at one point in my life, and, in her mind, is not yet relieved of this duty.
There was this kid in the school's spelling bee that spelled duty "dooty", I guess that was funnier when I was twelve.
posted by baby bison at
7/12/2004 12:46:00 PM
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