I've been up all night, as I have fallen into the sort of depression that people stop feeding their cats and plants and televisions for...the kind of unfunny business that has landed me in the position to stay awake wondering if a cocktail of nasal decongestant and valium will be enough to put me out of this world, these two crappy ears placed so symmetrically on my body can't hear my own cry for help...the kind of unhappiness where rufus wainwright and steven wright start to make too much sense for one person to take...i am tapdancing towards mediocrity, and no one is awake to help me...

not even myself...

There's too much pressure to couple up. I have tried to light myself on fire several times this year, with no luck...

No one wants to touch the pretty colors anymore, they only want to see them through pixels and postures that are unreachable by gluttony and inconsistency, the color of money and the flavor of sweat, leaking from one bleeding hand that is too wounded to be bandaged...

What happened to my childhood...the precious floorboards of my old porch, the black hole where no lonesome barbie doll shoe was safe...why do i remember them coming to take it down, and why couldn't i have a piece to put in the time capsule drawer that we never had time to bury?

We're rushing towards nothing...and i'm getting motion sickness from the thought of all this careless, religious, archaic bullshit...

Stop washing the dishes, and stop spreading your god damn fake butter over your fucking english muffins...wake up and smell your own shit for once...

I must be the only person in the world that takes enough depressant drugs to keep herself awake worrying that, I might do all that i've wanted to do, these last three months...

i'm not going to spellcheck this...so prepare the raw meat...and don't forget not to cook it...